Lies! Damn Lies!

Popular fiction and films would have us believe that Zombies are created by viruses (or sometimes radiation) that kill the higher functions of the brain, leaving the victim with only some of the autonomic motor control portions of our “reptile brain” (the portion of the brain that is responsible only for the survival instincts, eating, fighting, running, etc) and that the higher reasoning portions of the brain are destroyed.

Frequently in these films, the Living become Zombies by being bitten by a Zombie, then “dying” and “rising” to hunt the flesh and brains of other Living.

This is patently absurd and flies in the face of logic. What is really being represented in these films is a VIRUS that EATS FLESH. It is a disease of the Living, for the Living and by the Living.

What is happening here is a disease rots the flesh and causes a lapse of reason and irrational behavior in victims. Since the Flesh Eating Virus (corporeus epastum virii) (FEV) is in all of the infected victim’s cells, the behavior of the FEV takes over and the victim apes the desires and behaviors of the FEV: The desire to hunt in packs, reproduce (by biting), and eat flesh are all Viral Behaviors, and the victim, while in a state of decay, is in fact STILL ALIVE.

The labeling of these poor people as Zombies by such organizations as the FVZA and other Vitalist Hate Machine “Zombie Hunters” just goes to prove how ignorant the Living can be.

Many Zombies feel sympathy for these victims, and can often be found doing charity work at FEV outbreaks, helping the poor souls through their deaths, and doing ministry work to show FEV victims how to die with dignity and get on with their deaths. At these times, many uneducated Zombies are found and enlightened to the truth of their situations.

Success At FEV outbreaks is often hindered by various “Zombie Hunter” groups, and these missionaries frequently are caught up in the tension and extreme stress of these situations. It is not uncommon for a Zombie to turn against her naturally pacifist tendencies and lead hordes of FEV victims against their oppressors.

Most Zombies decry this kind of activity as counter to Zombie Values, but do concede that membership rolls do tend to increase dramatically at these times.